Pubescent Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a lot like puberty, oddly enough.

Your body starts growing RAPIDLY in weird places.  Like your feet, and your abdomen.  And your chin. And your feet STAY that big too! 

" I guess that's the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin' itself".

Your hormones go bezerker, (BEZERRRRRRR-KER!) and half the time you have no idea what the hell is going on in there.

You think everyone is always staring at you (because they are).

You worry if your significant other will still be in loooooovvvvve with you in the morning.

You eat.  A LOT.

And, you grow funny hair in funny places.

Lets face it ladies, it's true.

I have this halo of new hair growth.  Makes me look like a damn angel.  A frizzy, mousy BROWN, stand-straight-up-CONSTANTLY-despite-numerous-applications-of wax-and-hot-iron-angel.

I should be sainted.

Not to mention the quickly multiplying GRAY HAIRS. 

And my belly... or Elliot's belly actually, because lets just keep it real here, is fuzzy.  FUZZY.  Fuzzy navel anyone?

Captain disgusto.

But, you know how I know it is a lot like puberty?

(Here is the part where the men in my house begin to hate me.  Oh well...)

Because Tomas is hittin' the ground running with this one folks.

Lets just say that I am NOT the only one on Team Danger growing hair in weird places.

Tweens?   Not the best hygiene practices.  Every once and a while, despite his embarrassment, I force him to bath, and I get a month's worth of scrub on.  Last night- there was obvious hair.

I cried.  And then I died a little bit on the inside.  Because that's my baby, my little man.

And now my little man is becoming a medium man.

Next is girls...and squeaky voice...and phone calls....and "privacy".

What is a mom to do?

Do you think he will notice if I start un-raising him?  Like maybe if I just act like HE is the new baby?  

Maybe no one will notice?

What?!

Can I tap out now?

xoxo,

(The ever expanding and graying) J.Danger

   

WW: When Cory Proposed

Grand Advice

Here's the thing about being pregnant.  People think that you want their advice.

ALL THE TIME.

Guess what folks- this is my, count em, third pregnancy.  I think I got it down this time.

No, I don't know your great aunt so and so who tried such and such to lose weight while pregnant. And no, I don't want to know what you think about ankle swellage or boob leakage.  This shit just happens when you're pregnant.

You know what I do want?  You- to shut the hell up.  I got this.

Oh, and lets not forget about the ones that don't have kids and give pregnancy and/or parenting advice.  Those are always the best, not to mention TOTALLY warranted.

And you- the ones that always feel free to walk up to pregnant women that you don't know and rub their bellies?  We are not waddling Buddhas in skirts and loud prints.  We will not bring you luck.  We are probably hungry and sore, and will bite your face off.  STOP IT.

And yes, I know that I am huge.  What can I do?

Yes, I am SUUUUURRRRRE that it is only one  thankyouVERYmuch.

And yes, I know that 986,783, 480.2 women in the United States choose to birth in hospitals, induced, with drugs and fancy concoctions and be all knocked out for the whole thing.  

But guess what- I am not one of them.  And, despite what you think, THIS IS PERFECTLY OK.  Trust me.

Oh, and men that dole out advice about birthing- what the hell?!

I know exactly what you mean when you say "ways to help move labor along" and I want NONE of that.  

Unless you bring me super hot spicy delicious Mexican food.

Then, maybe we can talk.

xoxo,

J.Danger

Not cool.

Apple, Apple, oh how I usually stand proudly by your side as an iGeek.

But this?

Not cool.  Totally not cool.

Giveaway tomorrow!

Stay tuned....

xoxo,

J.Danger

WW: Earth Day

Holocaust Remembrance Day

Today is Holocaust Remembrance Day.

On April 12, 1951, Israel's parliament proclaimed Yom Hashoah U'Mered HaGetaot (Holocaust and Ghetto Revolt Remembrance Day) to be held on the 27th of Nissan, which falls on April 21st this year.  The name was later changed to Yom Hashoah Ve Hagevurah (Devastation and Heroism Day) and is now currently shortened to Yom Hashoah. 

Yom Hashoah was declared a national public holiday in 1959 in Israel.  In 1961 a law passed that closed all public entertainment on Yom Hashoah.

Yom Hashoah is generally observed with the lighting of six candles to represent the six million, speakers, prayer, and singing. 

I encourage you to find out what is going on in your community today for Yom Hashoah and to participate, listen, learn, and remember.

Here are some links on the Holocaust and Yom Hashoah.  

J.Danger

Nose Candy on Easter

Sooooooo, here we are.  Let's see....

Last week we had Passover!  Lots of eating!

Then we had Cory's Trailer Park Birthday Party.  Lots of fun, and also lots of eating!

Then we had Easter- Lots of eating, tons of people, and a trip to Urgent Care because Oliver shoved Reeses Pieces up his nose.  Too far up his nose.  Right after the (brand new) garbage disposal went out on us.

But really, I could care less because my mom came to visit. 

 She brought a thousand course meal, complete with 500 different dessert 

options.  I did not need to do anything!  It was amazing.  I was so burnt out from Passover and Cory's party, and a gazillion papers due before the week was out, so she did everything.  I just sat around and ate and gazed lovingly at my mother.  Till she told me that I was HUGE and my hair looked dingy.

Just kidding.

But not.

Best highlight ever from the past two weeks that I have been M.I.A?

THE WASHING MACHINE CAME ON MONDAY!  I cannot even tell you how dang excited I am to no longer have to wash our clothes in the bath tub.  Because do you know how much work that is?!  Washing them all- BY HAND- rinsing them all- BY HAND- and then wringing them all out- BY HAND- and then they are still so wet that I need to put them in the dryer twice each time, at least.  I swear- I would have been pissed all the time if I lived like on the wild Frontier or something.  AND HOW!

Speaking of Frontier women- something else happened this week, too.

I FREAKING EXPLODED.

Big as a bread box.

So now that we are all caught up, I have leftover pie to eat.

XOXO,

J.Danger