Contract Schmontract

We HAD cable, with a cable company that has the BEST NAME EVER, before we came to terms with the fact that we are broke and couldn’t afford it. Plus, they were just total jerks and we were tired of them. So we decided to go another route and see if there are any other services out there that we might be able to somehow miraculously afford without selling the last of our collective kidneys. Cory spent hours on the phone begging and pleading with cable companies to save us from the doom of no Nickelodeon, Nick Jr., or Cartoon Network.

Then, in rays of sunshine, rainbows, and purring kittens came a company that sounds a little like Schmerect Schmeevee. They promised us ALL of these things and a pot of filthy lucky gold, AND they were priced in our dwindling microscopic price range. So we signed up.

We should have known better.

We give them all our information. Contract for 18 months? Ok. $34.95 a month FOR ALL OF THOSE MONTHS? Ok. DVR included? Ok. Only $21 needed now for delivery of the boxes? Ok.
Schmerect Schmeevee comes out, installs the boxes, we sign, we’re good.
Until…we eventually get our bill. To discover that we were NOT charged a mere $21 for delivery, we were instead charged $63 dollars- automatically on my credit card WITHOUT permission. And it is indeed NOT $34.95 a month for 18 months like we were promised- that price only applies AFTER you apply for all of their rebates and only IF you meet the requirements. It takes- of course- approximately 8 weeks for these rebates to be completed, which means we are stuck with the waaaaay higher bill for those 8 weeks.

DVR? No, not so much really because if we want that after all we have to lease a separate DVR box for another $99. Fantastic.

Best part- after staying on the phone with customer service FOREVER we discover that by signing the installation agreement with the man that said all of MAYBE two words to us, we locked ourselves into an 18 month long contract with this company. DESPITE the fact that I SWEAR TO YOU, Cory and I ASKED ALL THESE questions and were deliberately mislead – we are fucked for the next 18 months.
Schmerect Schmevee- YOU SUCK. And the next 18 months are gonna suck for you- trust me.