What have I been doing this past month?
Well, you see, my three year old has been trying to MURDER ME.
OH.MY.GOD.
I forgot how rough three is. Everyone warns you about two.
Two? Cake.
Three? WORMY MUD PIE.
So let us rehash.
In the same day he-
1. Drank his OWN URINE. Yes. Yes that is what I said. When I caught him, and asked him why he was drinking his pee- he looked incredulously at me and said "It's yellow." Duh mom.
2. Locked me IN his bedroom with him at nap time. ON PURPOSE. Swear to god. Tucked him in, turned around for the radio, and that's when he jumped up, locked the door, slammed it, and blew a raspberry at me before jumping back into bed. (We have the locks rotated, so that no child here can ever lock themselves IN a room. Unless of course mom is in there with you!)
3. Proceeded to throw toys at me as I tried to heft my grotesquely large swollen body up out of the chair as he wiggles his fingers in his ears at me, while blowing raspberries.
Then there was yesterday. Where he ran past me at the pool, flinging aside his water wings and aimed for the deep end. He thought it was hysterical when mommy slipped and fell when she was chasing after him, thus bruising her already sore tail bone (my ass is KILLING ME).
And when he is not busy with all of these glorious pastimes, he is running and hiding from me in the house, which he thinks is just the coolest. And man! can this boy hide. Last week he had me in tears, big crocodile tears, because I could not find him. As I was balling outside on the porch, calling his name, holding up my baby guts, he nonchalantly saunters out-of MY ROOM, where I had just checked nine thousand times! with his face covered in my BRAND NEW economy sized ($9~) Desitin.
This was the same day that he dumped his BRAND NEW economy sized ($18) bath soap into ONE bath.
This boy is expensive.
So that is what I have been doing; narrowly escaping death at the hands of my three year old.
Nothing new, right?
Now, if I could only read minds....I need to know what he has planned for me when the baby gets here....
xoxo,
J.Danger
p.s.- Tomas- be nice to mommy or I am axing you from my will kiddo!
