Monday, April 27, 2009

Grand Advice

Here's the thing about being pregnant.  People think that you want their advice.


Guess what folks- this is my, count em, third pregnancy.  I think I got it down this time.

No, I don't know your great aunt so and so who tried such and such to lose weight while pregnant. And no, I don't want to know what you think about ankle swellage or boob leakage.  This shit just happens when you're pregnant.

You know what I do want?  You- to shut the hell up.  I got this.

Oh, and lets not forget about the ones that don't have kids and give pregnancy and/or parenting advice.  Those are always the best, not to mention TOTALLY warranted.

And you- the ones that always feel free to walk up to pregnant women that you don't know and rub their bellies?  We are not waddling Buddhas in skirts and loud prints.  We will not bring you luck.  We are probably hungry and sore, and will bite your face off.  STOP IT.

And yes, I know that I am huge.  What can I do?

Yes, I am SUUUUURRRRRE that it is only one  thankyouVERYmuch.

And yes, I know that 986,783, 480.2 women in the United States choose to birth in hospitals, induced, with drugs and fancy concoctions and be all knocked out for the whole thing.  

But guess what- I am not one of them.  And, despite what you think, THIS IS PERFECTLY OK.  Trust me.

Oh, and men that dole out advice about birthing- what the hell?!

I know exactly what you mean when you say "ways to help move labor along" and I want NONE of that.  

Unless you bring me super hot spicy delicious Mexican food.

Then, maybe we can talk.