Thursday, February 19, 2009

Dear Sinus Infection-

Here's the thing.  I understand how awesome and cozy my head must obviously be, seeing as how this is your third stay at Hotel Jessica in only two months.  So obviously, I must be totally awesome.  But you know what- I am taking my pineapple back my friend.  You are not welcome here!  This is the worst weekend ever for you to come and cozy on up in all my canals- because I have a TON of work, I am teaching tomorrow, and am home alone TILL MONDAY with los Boyos, and frankly- I just don't like you.  You are gross.  You stink.  You leave a mess everywhere.  And you make me look like a mongoloid.  Not that I have anything against mongoloids, cuz I totally don't, but still....come on! 

Pack your bags sir- and get the hell out!

Thank you so kindly,
J. Danger

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Urban "Spamming"

I don't know about you, but I cannot easily move around the city that I live in.  It is not very livable. Actually, most of the county that I live in is not.

I cannot ride my bike to the grocery store.

There is only one major grocery store- no neighborhood markets, only large big box type corporate stores.

I need the freeway to get just about anywhere.

The public transportation system is laughable.

There is no readily accessible train and or bus system available to me.

I need to punch in a gate code to get into my "community" and I need a second to merely enter my garage.  Don't have that code?  Not welcome in this "community".

My neighbor's house looks the same as mine.  You would never know it, because all you see is my garage.

I cannot plant a tree out front, or hang up a basketball hoop for our son as it is "not aesthetically pleasing to the remainder of the community".

Granted- I will give it this; there are plenty of parks.  Dog park, kid parks, the YMCA, there are an abundance of planned community recreational areas.

But what I miss is the feeling of a "real" city.  Everything here, and most other new cities, is artificial.  It is planned, jammed full, and identical.  It is mundane, monotonous, drab....artificial.

I am tired of it.

That is why I love this book- 

The Inclusive City, by Daniel Iacofano and Susan Goltsman.

"While they may look inviting, these instant neighborhoods are not meeting the needs of all residents of the city. Take a closer look beyond the facades and the traffic-calmed streets. You’ll notice that housing is expensive and the shops even more so. The people who live there don’t work there and the people who work there can’t afford to live there... The result does not work as a neighborhood, however. Instead of looking like a simulacrum of Main Street, it more closely resembles a large mall with the roof removed. Where are the kids, the parks, the neighborhood-serving stores? Chic boutiques on the corners don’t make a social community".

S0- How can do we get from here to there? 

"The solution, we believe, is a focus on inclusive planning and design based on economic, social, environmental and culturally sensitive policies that allow everyone to improve economically as the physical area improves. Cities need planning that recognizes that every individual has the right to full and equal participation in the built environment—and that through their direct involvement they can shape their own environment to meet their own needs".

Susan and Daniel are both founders of MIG, Inc. in Berkeley, Ca.  Together they work on environmental design for children, youth and families as well as urban and transportation planning.

Now, I am not an architect.  Or an Engineer, or a planning mastermind.  But I do know this.  The way that we collectively live in the larger part of the United States is unsustainable.  This bothers me.  I want to change it.

I believe that this is what they are doing.

The book is fantastic.  Large, but still fantastic.  It took me some time to get through it, but I never once felt as though I was in over my head.  The Inclusive City is put into readable terms, and laid out in a manner in which any reader can participate with the text.  It is evident that both authors are passionate about what they do, and that they want to share this passion with those around them through the work that they do.

You can get it here.

And I believe that you should.


Monday, February 9, 2009

I got tagged...

I have been tagged by Lisa over at Online Publicist. I usually screw these up or just blatantly ignore the rules, but here goes-

Here are the rules-

The Rules are as follows: Link to the person who has tagged you. Write down six things that make you happy. Post the rules then tag six others and let them know you did it. When your entry is complete, tell the person who tagged you.

Lisa did hers in pictures, which I think is pretty swell, so I am taking her cue.

1. Los Boyos

2. Cook, cook, cooking

3.  Scrabble anyone?  I'm intense...

4. You figure which one goes on the happy team and which one gets a giant FAIL.

5.  Have you ever smelled a new baby's head?  Best smell ever.  I will have one soon, if you need a starting point.

6.  Ain't that the truth?!

So there you have it.  

See? I almost screwed it up.  I have to tag 6 more people.  Hmmmm.
1.  Josh at Raging Dad
2.  Redhead at Minimeltdown
3.  Priscilla at Who's in the Kitchen
4.  Gitz
5.  Melissa at The Vasquez Family
6.  Mary The Food Librarian (Food and Books?!  She has my dream life!)

Side note- Josh over at Raging Dad triple dog dared me to list my favorite albums purchased this year.  You better believe I will take him down on that one.  Stay tuned.


Sunday, February 8, 2009

How I met your mother, or Kimbo Slice- either way...

Pregnancy brings about many totally awesome side effects, no?  Like totally awesome sci-fi weird dreams.  Lots of dreams about murderers and scuba diving penguins, walking trees, you name it and I have probably dreamt it with this kid right here.

But last night totally took the cake.

I went to bed (for the last 5 and one half nights) craving a root beer float.  There is just something about them- root beer makes vanilla ice cream better, and vanilla ice cream makes root beer better.  It is a proven fact folks.

This is what I dreamt last night-

I am in our local Albertson's and I am checking out at the register.  The clerk gets to the end of my items, and suddenly the two liter of Root Beer that the man behind me is purchasing falls down, rolls around on the scanner for a minute, and then falls to the floor of the cashier's little money batman cave.

And proceeds to totally EXPLODE.  You ever seen those commercials for Diet Coke and Mentos?  Like that.  Everyone is staring at me, and staring at the Root Beer, and just plain staring.  But all of a suddenly, I find myself drenched in Root Beer- checkbook still out and everything.  It was not a sprinkling, or a light drizzle.  I was somehow the only person in the store to have received the full force blow of the Root Beer bomb.


I look to the right of my cart, and there is Kimbo Slice.  TOTALLY knocked out by the bottle cap of my Root Beer bonanza.

Yep, I knocked out Kimbo Slice without even using my hands.

But most importantly, on my way out you better believe I told the man behind me "Don't forget to grab a new Root Beer!"

Oy Vey.

Now- who is buying me a Root Beer Float?  

Mind your answer- or I may just take you out.


Monday, February 2, 2009

An open letter

Dear Maternity Clothing Companies,

I don't know about you but I am a GROWN woman.  Therefore, I refuse to wear any of the following items-

Linen shorts with pastel flowers embroidered on them and ruffles.  Yes, ruffles.
Giant denim t-shirts with Winnie the Pooh on it.
Anything with Winnie the Pooh on it, denim or not. 

Also, I already feel huge enough as it is.  Therefore, I refuse to wear any of the following items-

Anything with horizontal stripes.  Why?!  Why would you do that?
Anything with huge neon polka dots.  WHY?!
Basically, anything fluorescent period.
Any shirt, dress, and/or shirt-dress that ties directly underneath the largest part of my gigantic middle girth.  Totally not cool man.

Also, I understand that only women can get pregnant.  But guess what geniuses- not every woman on the planet simply adores hot pink.  



J.Danger (a.k.a you better take my advice right this very second because I am pregnant and therefore automatically right, OR ELSE)