Yesterday our youngest son went in for his two year old well baby check up. He was overdue, so I was guilt stricken from the get go. I had no one to pick our oldest son up from school, so I took half the day off of work (awwww, I know...feel sorry for me) so that I could pick him up early from class- he was stoked!- and then nab our sleeping two year old from his cozy little cot at daycare. At which point he woke up; wet, hungry, confused, and wanting nothing but a juice bag- the juice bag that I had not remembered to pack for him.
We get to the doctor, and as we are paying the receptionist (wait! Aren't these things free?) son number one sits down in the waiting room, apparently in THE ONLY chair that will suffice for son number two. Son number two starts screaming at son number one, who instantly thinks he's in trouble so he yells, "I didn't do anything mom!". After dropping my wallet on the floor, I get both boys situated, one on the other's lap- you can do the guesswork- and hide my reddening face of shame from the other "good moms".
Do you know what I really hate about pediatrician's offices? This is what I really hate about pediatrician's offices. Why, oh why, do they take you out of the child friendly waiting room within the first five minutes, only to put you and your children into a cold, hard, sterile examination room that IS NOT CHILD FRIENDLY, and then leave you there to entertain your seriously irritated child for over an hour?! I don't get it. Why not just leave them in the first waiting room- you know the germy one with all the other little punks?! You know- THE ONES THEY CAN PLAY WITH?!
Eventually the doctor comes in. I immediately remind myself why we need to get a new pediatrician, and then immediately scold myself for not already doing just that, and then proceed to run my interior monologue of criticism. So much so that I have not heard the pediatrician's question and look up at her and- ever the intelligent woman that I am - ask, "huh?". At which point, my ever the helper older son number one decides to do just that-help. So he holds son number two around the waist while the soon to be changed to a new pediatrician Dr examines him. And of course- what else would happen but this- son number one is holding son number two. Number two gets a wee bit peeved and decides he is ready to get on out of here after waiting in this horrible room for over an hour- so he kicks. He kicks, hard, like a donkey, kicks helper son number one in the face! Smack in the face. At which point poor little number one grabs his glasses, and makes a delightful noise of udder shame and injury. Which apparently is hysterical, because number two- still on the exam table- NAKED (foreshadowing anyone?)- begins to giggle at son number one. So much so that he pees- all over, well EVERYTHING.
The doctor left. Immediately. Maybe she will get rid of us first.