Tuesday, August 12, 2008

An Open Letter to the Guy Sitting Next to Me on Saturday

Dear Sir,

First of all, the fact that you showed up to take the G.R.E almost an hour late, speaks as a testament to your seriousness as a student. It is the G.R.E. pal! If I can get there on time with two kids, two turtles, and a husband...at 8 a.m....on a SATURDAY so can you! Frankly, I do not think that they should have let you in at all. You distracted EVERYBODY. You know, all those people that got there ON TIME and were CONCENTRATING! Ya, that'd be us. Not you.

Let's move on. Your cologne. Or bodywash, soap, aftershave, or nine and three-quarters gallons of cheap body spray- it stunk. SOOOO bad. I understand that you were attempting to smell nice, and hence improve your self confidence, thus scoring higher on the G.R.E. Of course, it makes total sense. You know what doesn't make total sense? Wearing so much of it that you kill every insect that you walk past!

So you're taking your test right? Here is what I hear from you, two feet away from me.

You- "hmmmmm, immutable.......what does that mean....hmmmm....im...mut...able.....WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!"
Me- (only in my head, where it is QUIET, because we are all TESTING) "unchangeable, asshole!"

But apparently you did ok at the verbal, because you made it to the quantitative portion. What you say? How do I know? Here is how I know-

You-"wait wait....x= 1/3 y....so no....an equilateral triangle....three sides....four angles? Wait, what was x? Oh no.....hmmmm....."

Thats how I knew.

Luckily for me, the testing center supplies you with big orange hunting ear muffs to drown out all sound from around you. What I mean by that is, all of the annoying mumbling sitting next to you. So I reach up to grab my headpones, to the right of me- like EVERY OTHER STATION IN THE ROOM- and you are WEARING THEM! And yours, well they are just sitting there, to the right of you, calling me, beckoning me with their silence and their ability to drown YOU out. But I can't get them. So instead I just gaze lovingly at them, and then glare angrily at YOU, at which point you catch me in mid glare, so you glare back.

So I go back to my test.

my next word was "Gormless".

It was fitting.


Eva said...

I'd be furious! I took the GRE in 2006, and I was one of the only ones in the room. But, the tester said if I wore my cardigan into the room, I wasn't allowed to take it off and if I didn't wear it, I wasn't allowed to put it on. There was a bunch of AC, so I decided to wear it. Ugh-the stress made me sweat like no one's business. And then that screen at the end that makes you decide whether to click through and find out your scores or just void the whole thing-it took all my moral courage to get the results, lol.

J.Danger said...

Eva- tell me about it! I totally feel ya. They would not let me take my water in. Water. You can see through it. Who in the world is smartest to find a way to cheat with water?

Emiline said...

How annoying. I think the cologne might have been the worst thing for me. Gives me a headache.

J.Danger said...

Emiline- It was indded the worse. It was so stinky!

Anonymous said...

Hi J. Danger! I found my way to your blog from Trish at Hey Lady! Whatcha Readin'? So, I've been scrolling around, reading your content (I cannot STAND people who make noises while taking tests! I find it soooo distracting) and I really like what I see. I would like to invite you to stop by my website (http://onlinepublicist.net) sometime and see if any of the titles interest you for review on ThisDangerousLife.

I am in the process of adding new titles and removing completed projects, so they will be changing soon, but I can add you to my update list so you know when I have new stuff. Either way, I would love to work with you sometime and hope to hear from you!

All Best,
Lisa Roe
Online Publicist


StickyGooeyCreamyChewy said...

I'm constantly amazed at the utter rudeness and insensitivity of some people! I sat next to someone like that at the LSAT. Thankfully, he didn't stink! ;)