Monday, March 16, 2009

Spring, Spring, Go Away...

Spring is coming soon, which means then summer gets here. I hate summer. I have always hated it. Spring is manageable, but summer? Not so much.

The sun and I? Not friends.
I am a redhead. Naturally. When I was a kid my mom and my grandma would force me to perm my hair a la Shirley Temple.
You can bet I got rave reviews at school.

“Annie! Get Your Gun!”
“Tommorrrrrow, tomorrow, I lovvvve you tomorrrrow, you’re only a day awaaaaayyy!”

I got all of them.

Plus, to make matters worse- there were three of us girls to all twelve gazillion of my male cousins.

So I got even more of it-
“hey meatball!”
“Wassup carrot top?”
Plus, the freckles, the glasses, and I was fat. I mean fat.

It was a win win situation.

So the summer was always rough for me because when you put a pasty skinned freckle faced frizzy haired fatty in a bathing suit- in the sun?

It sucked folks. Sucked.

So I have never enjoyed the summer time, never enjoyed the sun, none of that. Sun bathers? What the hell? You are straight up baking yourself. Gross.

But here’s the catch- the boys love the summer. And now we have a pool, and we live in a beach community.

So basically I am screwed.

Except last year we went to the beach. Once. And it was fun. I packed fried chicken and a bunch of other crappy food, paddled out with our oldest son, let the kids bury me in sand (gross). And it was ok. But this year I will be spending yet another summer pregnant. And gigantic. And sweaty.
So now you get a pasty skinned, freckled face, fat (but now only because I am pregnant- holler!) sweaty pregnant lady, and then you throw in all the tattoos, and I become a beach side freak show.

Maybe I can charge admission? Like the bearded lady!

But that’s ok. The money will help, and besides, my husband likes my freckles. He thinks I’m kinda cute. So that’s all that matters.

I guess….

(The soon to be sun burnt in 0.5) J.Danger


Raging Dad said...

My wife is a burner. Seriously, 40 watt light bulbs are hazards in our house. I was a short kid, and pretty mouthy, so I spent a fair amount of time upside down in garbage cans and slammed in lockers. Fall back-to-school time I start to get flashbacks to swirlies and titty-twisters. You are not alone!

Claire said...

I burn too...but I love the sun, so much so I'm about to leave the English rain behind and move to the Greek sun. I will, however, be taking my Factor 50 with me and applying it at least once an hour...especially on my tattoos! Those babies are sure as hell not getting any burns near them! Hope you manage to get some enjoyment out of the trip to the beach!

musicjunkie said...

I think I've burned twice in my life. Once as a kid when I fell asleep at the beach. And a second when I went surfing on a very overcast morning and forgot to apply the sunblock. Well, the sun came out, and after about 5 hours in the water I buuuuurned. I ended up looking like a lobster with snake skin. But other than that I've always turned a golden brown (not to brag). But I no longer have a beach to go to. =0(

I can totally relate on being teased though. For as long as I can remember I was teased for something. Mostly for being 'weird' (and acne that I still haven't completely escaped). I consider that a positive thing now, as long as it's not the creepy kind of weird.

Doesn't Costco have those ginormous beach umbrellas?

gitz said...

You're talking to a freckle-faced, pale, curly-haired red-head who loved summer...

... which also sucked because I've never tanned in my life. But blisters... oh have I had sunburns and blisters...

Cristine said...

You never fail to make me smile. You are such a fantastic writer! :)

Sorry summer isn't your friend. Hopefully it will be a fun one, though!

Minimeltdown said...

OH HONEY, you know I feel your pain about all of this. The only consolation is that one day our sun worshiping friends will have wrinkles galore and we will still have lovely porcelain skin.

My mom permed my bright red
hair too...why? WHY?

I say get a great cover up and sun hat and some sweet shades and plant yourself under an umbrella. No one will even notice you and you won't actually have to show your bathing suit (this is a technique I use frequently). Cory can take the kids out to play and they can report back to you for food, sunscreen, hugs, etc. You will be quietly reading. And sweating.

Tara said...

I'm not a big fan of summer either, covered with freckles and prone to burning, I stay in the shade and wear spf60.

J.Danger said...

Raging Dad- your wife and I should go to the beach together. We can share a ginormous umbrella from Costco.

Claire- thanks!

Ana- I remember being jealous of your tan! Jerk!

Gitz-I never tan. Ever. I burn, blister, peel, pasty again, but just with more freckles. No thank you!

Cristine- We can only hope...

Minimeltdown- you know, this actually makes me want to go so I can beach it up like Jackie O.

Tara- I am ALWAYS in the shade! Always. No joke, I keep parasols in my trunk! Fashion accessory!

Bookfool said...

I hate warm weather, period. I'm allergic to everything -- every mold and grass God makes, most tree pollen, tons of weeds and flowers. I'm blonde, fair-skinned, freckled and have gray eyes (ouch, ouch, ouch, even cloudy days hurt). I belong in Antarctica. Except, it's too bright. Best of luck to ya!