The other day I went to to visit my Nana. She is at the tail end of pancreatic cancer, so once a week I try to go and sit with her and visit. This week I thought I would bring her some candy. See's is her favorite, so I get in the car (waaaaaay later than I was planning on) and hop on the freeway. Why do I need to get on a freeway to get anywhere?! I mean come on. Then, I passed the exit I needed so I got off the freeway, got back on the freeway, got back off the freeway, and then maneuvered my way into the Mall. Unpack the stroller, drop a rock on my toe (THANK YOU MIDDLE SON) yadda yadda, get to the Sees store. I get her favorite, the 1 lb mixed box and a few things for the boys for Valentines day. Back on the freeway with said candy (and one in my mouth, but whatever). I tried to quickly get all the way over to the carpool lane, but then realized that I wouldn't make it in time for my freeway change, so I swerved all the way back over to the right, to merge onto the 405. I swear i'm a good driver.
Then it happened. Eric Estrada pulled up behind me. Solo. Aren't CHiPS supposed to always be in pairs?! Clearly he was already FAILING as a traffic cop.
Oh shit! Oh shit! Shut up I tell myself. Act natural! Why do we always say "shhhhhhhhhh" when we see a cop?! They're NOT librarians for Christs sake!
Then....the inevitable.....The lights and the "MERP MERP" soundy thing.
So I pull over and he approaches my passenger window.
Eric Estrada- "Ma'm, do you know why I pulled you over?"
Me- "I believe it would be safe to assume it was because I veered so quickly from the left to the right side of the freeway."
Eric - "You would be incorrect in that assumption."
This was gonna be great.
Then, Eric proceeds to tell me he pulled me over because.........of MY TIRE. It's low, and bald, and probably dangerous. But really?! My TIRE?!
Eric asks me for all my info, which I give him, after sorting through sippy cups, Manga novels, and a jumble of plastic body parts. Upon which he asks me THE golden question.
Eric - "And where are you headed young lady?" Oh now it's young lady?! I'm not the babysitter, dude.
And here it is- TRUE STORY...
So I say-"I'm bringing See's candies to my sick Nana who is dying of Pancreatic cancer."
At which point, Eric Estrada shits his pants, gives me all my info back, and wishes me a great day.
And then my Nana split her candy with me, while we watched soap operas and talked about Vampires.
Heaven.
xoxo,
J.Danger
3 comments:
Hooray for no ticket! I always have to use my brothers pic of him in his uniform with the American flag in the background.
Although I must say, your ending is better than any of the ones I've had!
Karma :) Now had I better excuse then none when I got my major speeding ticket and had to pee and went 46 past a park when it is 25.... blah. I hope Nana is feeling ok. PS Next time go to the Sees candy on Hawthorne near Sepulveda.
I was rushing home to take care of my mother, who was in the ICU because her lungs were filled with fluid (and knew she was likely dying but hadn't yet admitted that to herself) when I got my one and only ticket. I was so bummed because I'm used to 70mph roads and hadn't been the back route to Oklahoma in a long time. I finally found some distracting music to keep me from thinking about the fact that I was about to become an orphan and while I was happily singing, I didn't pay attention to the speedometer.
I got a freaking ticket for rushing home to my dying mother. My officer wasn't as nice as yours.
Post a Comment