An Open Letter to the Guy Sitting Next to Me on Saturday

Dear Sir,

First of all, the fact that you showed up to take the G.R.E almost an hour late, speaks as a testament to your seriousness as a student. It is the G.R.E. pal! If I can get there on time with two kids, two turtles, and a husband...at 8 a.m....on a SATURDAY so can you! Frankly, I do not think that they should have let you in at all. You distracted EVERYBODY. You know, all those people that got there ON TIME and were CONCENTRATING! Ya, that'd be us. Not you.

Let's move on. Your cologne. Or bodywash, soap, aftershave, or nine and three-quarters gallons of cheap body spray- it stunk. SOOOO bad. I understand that you were attempting to smell nice, and hence improve your self confidence, thus scoring higher on the G.R.E. Of course, it makes total sense. You know what doesn't make total sense? Wearing so much of it that you kill every insect that you walk past!

So you're taking your test right? Here is what I hear from you, two feet away from me.

You- "hmmmmm, immutable.......what does that mean....hmmmm....im...mut...able.....WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!"
Me- (only in my head, where it is QUIET, because we are all TESTING) "unchangeable, asshole!"

But apparently you did ok at the verbal, because you made it to the quantitative portion. What you say? How do I know? Here is how I know-

You-"wait wait....x= 1/3 y....so no....an equilateral triangle....three sides....four angles? Wait, what was x? Oh no.....hmmmm....."

Thats how I knew.

Luckily for me, the testing center supplies you with big orange hunting ear muffs to drown out all sound from around you. What I mean by that is, all of the annoying mumbling sitting next to you. So I reach up to grab my headpones, to the right of me- like EVERY OTHER STATION IN THE ROOM- and you are WEARING THEM! And yours, well they are just sitting there, to the right of you, calling me, beckoning me with their silence and their ability to drown YOU out. But I can't get them. So instead I just gaze lovingly at them, and then glare angrily at YOU, at which point you catch me in mid glare, so you glare back.

So I go back to my test.

my next word was "Gormless".

It was fitting.

As I promised....

Here is Tomas getting ready to leave on the bus.  Doesn't he just scream "Camper"?!

This is the photo I gave to his cabin mate in preparation of the next seven early mornings for them.  You have been warned our dear sweet Jaxon.

Gone Baby, Gone...

Tomas left for camp yesterday.

I did not cry. In front of him at least...

It was very hard. Fortunately for me, it was even harder for Oliver. He was screaming bloody murder while Tomas left.

"Myyyyy busssssss, no cha cha bus, myyyyyyy busssssssssss, no cha cha bye bye bus!"

He was not pleased that his beloved Cha Cha was going anywhere without him.

So we took him to Nanny's, where she spoiled him rotten for the day. Merely to bring reprieve from Oliver missing Cha Cha of course. She took him to the (dreaded) toy store to get him his own dear dear bus. Too bad for Oliver, the bus did not contain his Cha Cha. He decided to keep it anyway.

Cory and I went to the movies. ALONE! It (required a TON of effort and way more time than deemed necessary) was so much fun. We saw "Tell No One", and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Much to my surprise, (oops) it was subtitled. I thought for sure that Cory was going to get up and demand that we leave, but he was a good sport. He even admitted to enjoying it also.

I took the GRE on Saturday. I did very well. But for those of you that know me, very well is not the same as "the best ever". So I am taking it again in a few weeks.

Maybe the studying will keep my mind off of Tomas...away...at camp...for a week...

(pictures to follow....I killed the camera...I think it might have been the salt from my gigantic emotional charged mom tears)

Some goats and the kids,with Jane Eyre, oh and camp

So the kids had a petting zoo come out to the school yesterday. Oliver has not stopped talking about the animals. It was like he was on speed this morning!

Me--"Good morning Bug!"
BB--"GOOD MORNING MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me--"Hows it going?"
BB--"SHEEP! GOATS! THE CHICKENS! BUCK BUCK BUCK! OH AND GOATS! GOATS GOATS GOATS! goat goat goat (goats make the sound 'goat' and thats it)
Me--"Wow Oliver thats amaz-"
BB--"CHICKENS! BUCK BUCK BUCK LOOK MOM! BUCK BUCK BUCK...LOOK!(animated hand movements) LLAMAS (INSERT SPIT HERE) OH AND GOATS AND BUNNIES. BUNNIES BUNNIES BUNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIES!"
Me--"Gosh Oliver it sounds like your still excited for-"
BB--"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GOATS!"

It was amazing! I was tired just listening to him. Then when Daddy dropped them off at Day Care there was a bounce house today. Let the torrent of exciteable screams begin again. Unfortunately for the poor sap walking out of the building when Oliver was walking in, he was a wee bit dramatic. Oliver totally stopped, squatted, stared the guy dead in the eyes, and screamed at him "BOUNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEE HOOOOOUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEE!" The gentleman ran away equally screaming.

I heard it was amazing.

Tomas is going away for camp. For his first time. He will be gone for...hold it...wait for it... ONE WHOLE WEEK! Now, before we get all slap happy, the husband and I will not be able to party it up for this week. We still have number two, and jobs, and school, and have to be upstanding adults. But it will be nice to not be jam packed with Drake appointments five days a week, and therapy, so that will be a great break. Also, Nealy is home visiting (yes!) so maybe the husband and I can squeeze in a date night. We'll see.

But back to the point-

What the hell am I going to do for a week?! Besides worry and imagine a series of imminent doom and disaster involving my son while he is hours away and I am totally out of control of the situation?! What the hell? How do parents (insert "moms" here) do this? Oh my god, what will I do for college?! He just cant go. Done.

Speaking of college- I have almost forgotten for the summer that I am still in college! School starts back up for me in three weeks and I am so eager to go back. Except for one little problem- I am so sticking behind it is not even laughable. And don't think for one red hot minute that it was due to laziness. Because it was NOT! I have been so busy this summer, I have just fallen short. And I am mad disappointed in myself.

So today at work I am reading Jane Eyre while I process my files. Or trying to really. I am doing an independent study on Jane Eyre and Wide Sargasso Sea pertaining to gender inequity. The result will be both my senior thesis (40 pages! What the hell?!) and also my graduate entry writing sample. So it is big time. I need to get going.

I had forgotten how much I LOVE Jane Eyre though. Here are some of my favorite quotes-

"Conventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion. To attack the first is not to assail the last".

"If people were always kind and obedient to those who are cruel and unjust; the wicked people would have it all their own: they would never feel afraid, and so they would never alter, but would grow worse and worse".

"It is not violence that best overcomes hate - nor vegeance that most certainly heals injury".

"If all the world hated you, and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved you, and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends".

"It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquility: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it".

"I don't think, sir, that you have a right to command me, merely because you are older than I, or because you have seen more of the world than I have; your claim to superiority depends on the use you have made of your time and experience". (Hello gender inequity!)

I could go on and on, but I know that not everyone loves Jane Eyre like I do. (Heathens!)

Side note- Cory is doing so well at work right now, and I am so very proud of him! Big things folks, big things!

xoxo-
J.Danger

Camping Pictures

Please be kind to me, we were camping. I mean who really looks that good in the wild?!  I mean, come on, really?

There were lots of tall trees to stand under

And plenty of Danger Family Dance offs, most of which Oliver won

Waiting for Smores

Card games galore and the table of doom

Brothers! They had a lot of fun.

I have more pictures,  but it takes so long to put them up.  Blah! The camping part was way more fun!

xoxo,

J.Danger

Waddup G?

So this weekend was our camping extravaganza, and an extravaganza it was! It started out well, we left on time, and only lost one thing out of the back of the truck on the 5 (thats a record!). We knew we were good when we didn't pass the 91 east on ramp (also a record for Cory and I). Then, we arrived in Riverside (enough said already) to pick up our camper. We were told when picking the camper up that they would require a $500 deposit, cash or money order ONLY. Suspicious? I was. Immediately. But we were stuck. And it was HOT! The kids were hungry, thirsty, and ready to be camping already. So we packed them back up,found a bank, and bought a money order. WITH A VERIFIABLE RECEIPT. When we get back to the camper we were told of all 57,004 hidden fees we were now going to be charged. Fine. Whatever, please lets just go.

We went.

Friday was delightful! We got to our campsite and the boys actually helped set up. Tomas rode his bike for "recon" and Oliver tried to follow him around on his tricycle. We changed and went to the lake, which was beautiful (remember this) had dinner, smores, everything was fine. Bedtime was a breeze (thank you honey), for the baby at least.

Lets talk about the bed situation for a red hot minute. Or two sleepless nights, either way works.

There were two pop out beds. The larger one held a weight limit of precisely my husband's weight. So i'm out. The second pop out bed is so unsafe that the children can roll entirely OUT of the back of the camper if they move too far to the side. There was a third teeny tiny bed that was comprised out of two cushions, that absolutely no one would be able to sleep on. Unless you were a troll, and trolls are creepy anyway so who the hell would camp with trolls? The last bed was the bed that was a table. The table was broken so it would not stand up, and then when it was lying down it would not lay flat, so the whole bed was lop sided. So- Tomas slept in the dangerous bed with a giant wall of cushions and pillows to cut off the "cliff bed", Oliver slept in the lopsided table bed of doom, Cory slept in the large cozy yet incredibly noisy pop out bed. Everyone is good right? Oh wait, there are four people in this family....so who's missing....odd.

That about sums up the camper of death. Oh that and the sink leaked (and by leaked I mean flooded EVERY SINGLE TIME), the fridge did not work, the screen had a hole in it (hello flies and critters), the pop out shade was in-op, I can go on and on. Needless to say, when we dropped it off on Sunday, the owners did not meet us at the lot with our deposit (the one that is TRACEABLE!) nor have they been answering our phone calls. This is gonna be great! I promise you- like I promised my dear dear patient husband, we will get that money back. Oh yes.

Anyway- saturday we ate and got ready for a day at the lake. Packed an ice chest, Cory spent a ton of money on new fun water toys and what nots cuz we couldn't get a boat, and we headed out.

Holy shit. When did Silverwood lake become the gansta' gansta' meeting grounds?! Let me assure you, I grew up in the ghetto. I get it, I am not squeamish or over-reactionary when it comes to this. I know gang culture; when to panic and when to not. This my fine friends, was nearing a panic situation.

I do not think it was coincidental that there were gigantic men with lots of prison ink swimming in blue trunks, that all "forgot" to remove the blue bandanas from around their neck. After one of their kids "accidentally" punched my oldest in the chest while "swimming" Cory and decided we needed to leave. Like now, like grab the kids and run and get the hell out of here now!

Which was fine because it was so effing face melting hot and there was no wind, and or shade anywhere. Oh, and the lake? Totally effing neon green with algae and filth. NEON. Hence all the neat little intestinal trouble causing friends that we all brought home. We were done. DONE.

But thats ok, because the rest of saturday was so much fun! Cory and the baby took a nap so Tomas and I went exploring. We found a bike trail, a nature hike, an ampitheater, and we just hung out together. Cory, Tomas and I played card games galore, and we even had a make shift session of Danger Family Dinner theater in the empty site next to us. We had a marshmallow face stuffing contest (Cory won with 9, and some puke) but Tomas came in close with 6 (no puke), and Oliver tried his hardest with two! So cute!

All in all, a good time was had by all. No one was hurt, no major sun burns, everyone came out ok and Cory and came home feeling all crunchy granola-y and Earthy, and like we were ok parents after all. (Take that nay sayers!) The funny thing was that the baby got hurt afterwards, at home! Go figure. But that's another post. Tomorrow?

We have pictures. They are at home, but I am not. I am at work. Getting paid for all my efforts. Blogging efforts that is!

I will post the pictures later!

Have a good day dearies!

xoxo,
J.Danger

Danger Family Vacation 08

The shots went fine, thanks to all who asked.  Well, no one asked thankyouverymuch. But still- they are a-ok.  Poor Tomas.  He has not been to the doctor in some time (knock on wood) so they decided to just make this a physical.  So the nurse hands him a gown and tells him to take off everything but his socks!  The look on his face...thats about as far as I need to go on that one.  Anyone else with kids nearing the pre-teen curse, err I mean age, understands exactly what went down in that room, and the parental torment that ensued at home.  Then, after the doctor visited down under, it was time to get stuck with a needle. Tomas didn't even know what hit him before it was over.  All in all, he did quite well. 

Oliver though, was Oliver. He was mega pissed, and as a result, he moved.  There was blood all over his pants and his leg, the nurse felt horrible, and I thought Oliver was going to just melt to the floor he was so distraught.

On an up note though, part of the whole "You're the Best Employee on the Planet Award" (see post below) was that I got a jar full of chocolate.  Yep, totally used it to bribe my kids into behaving well for the doctor.  I was that mom.

Both are bruised, but both are done.

Now, on to the weekend!  This weekend we are taking our annual Danger Family Vacation!  Woot-woot!  We are going camping!  So wish us luck.  

Don't tell anyone, but we are totally not roughing it.  We rented a huge trailer camper for the weekend.  Really, we didn't have a choice.  The baby sleep walks so bad, that I had horrible visions in my head involving lakes, bears, snakes, and twenty something year olds without morals or scruples for the weekend (and probably not clothes either).

We leave friday, so wish us luck!

Be well darlings!

Xoxo,

J.Danger